Sneaky Hollow Greatest Hits from Retchless Weather Services

Townships Weather for Monday, May 18th - Pine Knot General Store  Patriots Day edition for Sneaky Hollow

Pine Knot General Store Weather edition - Direct from Sneaky Hollow! Victoria-Patriots-Let's Go Fishin'- Edition!

It wouldn’t be a holiday weekend without checkin’ in with the Sneaky Hollow gang at the Pine Knot General Store!

Well now, pull up a lawn chair and crack a cold one, it’s the long weekend in Quebec and up at Pine Knot General Store in Sneaky Hollow, that means one thing: All hell has officially broken loose!!!

Before we get to Sunday’s forecast a word about yesterday’s flashin’ and bangin’. The Townships got walloped like a screen door in a hurricane. Thunderstorms rolled through faster than Daisy’s mother-in-law when she hears there’s rhubarb wine in the fridge. We’re talkin’ thunder that rattled the pickle jars, lightning that lit up the outhouse like Studio 54, and enough rain to float Harold’s beer keg planters clean off the porch.

Earl swears he saw a trout swimming across the parking lot and hollered, “Quick! Get the rods!”

Power blinked off and on so many times it gave the microwave PTSD, and Harold, being Harold, tried to “redirect the surge” with an extension cord, a metal rake, and a half-melted surge bar from Canadian Tire. No one knows what happened next, but the bait fridge is now humming in A-flat and his eyebrows are gone.

With the storm behind us, the city folks are rollin’ in faster than you can say “don’t forget the DEET.” Earl swears he saw more SUVs than blackflies on Route 143 last night, and that’s sayin’ somethin’. The line at the bait fridge stretched halfway to the outhouse, and someone tried to pay for worms in U.S. cash. Again. (Which we gladly take at par!!)

Harold’s retrieved his beer keg planters from the stream and they are now struttin’ out front like prize pigs at a country fair, each one filled with geraniums, petunias, and just enough soil to hide the empties. Daisy says they’re the most useful thing Harold’s made since he duct-taped the toaster to the car battery (don’t ask).

Now, the boys are mighty proud of their newest creation: The Duct-Tape Japanese Beetle Trap, field-tested on everything from June bugs to Harold’s tabby (accidentally). Earl says, “If it don’t catch beetles, it'll sure catch your cousin Randy when he leans too close to the rhubarb.”

And if that ain’t enough excitement, Daisy made a slight mistake when ordering those newfangled Chinese electrosonic blackfly-net hats. She meant to get 100. She got 1000.

They claim to zap flies dead with high-frequency signals, though so far, they’ve mostly knocked out the cell signal in all of Sneaky Hollow. The Chinese government swears it’s a coincidence.

They’re on sale this week, real cheap. Batteries not included.

Instructions from Harold are free. Use at your own risk. Side effects may include fried ear hair, and a complete inability to order pizza online.

Meanwhile, Harold’s betting there’ll be a run on lawn tractor belts, what with the grass knee-high and city folks itchin’ to mow it all in one go. Earl says they’ll burn through belts faster than bugs through a bug zapper at a barbecue.

And now for the weather, straight from the checkerboard:

• Today - Sunday: That cool Canadian air’s barged in like an uncle with no RSVP. Our early summer tease has skedaddled like a beach romance in September. Expect a bit o’ mornin’ brightness followed by showers and a high of just 13°C.

• Monday: Get the long johns out of the mothballs. We’ll struggle to hit 10°C, and Earl swears the top of Jay Peak might even see a flurry or two in the afternoon showers.

• Tuesday and Wednesday: Cloudy, cool, and downright unsociable. Daily highs hovering around 11°C to 13°C, with mostly cloudy skies and the odd bit of drizzle to keep your socks soggy and your mood somewhere between meh and miserable. If we see the sun, count yourself lucky, as these pesky upper-level lows are as predictable as Earl after two rum & root beers—could be dancing a jig on the porch, could be napping in the shed with a raccoon. Either way, don’t bank on ‘em behaving.

• Thursday and Friday and Saturday: Chances for showers increase, just when you thought it might be safe to leave the clothesline up and the windows cracked. Don’t let the any sunshine fool ya, it’s the ol’ bait and switch. Harold says it’s like that time he thought he won the meat draw, only to find out it was soy-based jerky from the vegan church supper. Keep your boots by the door and your sense of humour handy, looks like we ain’t drying laundry ‘til Sunday.

So whether you call it Patriots Weekend, Victoria Day, or just “Let’s Try the Lake Even If It’s 13 Degrees” Day, the Pine Knot gang’s got you covered.

Flamingos are flying, citronella’s burning, and the duct tape’s selling faster than you can say, “We forgot the marshmallows.”

Happy Long Weekend from Sneaky Hollow. Watch out for the beetles, real or otherwise.